History of Attachment Styles

Attachment styles are the current social media sphere’s behavioral health based buzz concept. Here is a basic overview of the four attachment styles:

• Secure: Healthy connection with others, emotional availability, comfortable in close relationship
• [Insecure] Anxious (ambivalent): Wants to be in a relationship but can be clingy, codependent, very sensitive, fear rejection or abandonment
• [Insecure] Avoidant: Fiercely independent, avoid intimacy and close connections
• [Insecure] Disorganized: Wants a relationship but fears rejection, exhibits confusing and contradictory behaviors. Is a mixture of anxious and avoidant behaviors

It was the mid 1960’s when a British psychology, John Bowlby, presented his attachment theory about early childhood relationships. He postulated that the relationship between caregivers – primarily the mothers – and their children had a significant impact on emotional and psychological development. These early secure or insecure attachments between children and caregivers influenced how the children navigated the world of adult relationships.

Bowlby’s colleague, Mary Ainsworth, expanded on the initial theory after the “Strange Situation” experiment (see video below).

Mummy/Daddy Issues

It is no surprise that many of our core beliefs about ourselves and the world are formulated in childhood. As we enter the uncertain road of adulthood, we either continue to cement those beliefs, modify or change them.

Our childhood can follow us in both good and maladaptive ways. Children who experienced a safe and reliable relationship with their caregivers are more likely to exhibit secure attachment behaviors such as open and effective communication, healthy view of self and others, and feeling worthy of love.

Inversely, children who had rocky or abusive relationships with their caregivers are more likely to engage in insecure attachment behaviors such as mistrust, feeling unworthy of love, emotional isolation and ambivalence about commitment.

The good news is adulthood comes with choices. There is no denying that children are typically powerless to escape the daily exposure to parental dysfunction; however, those early insecure messages do not have to govern adult life and relationships.

Life’s Choices

Life has a way of hurling unexpected curveballs that can knock you off-balance or flat on your derriere. Even if you had a great childhood, a significant incident may disrupt or break that feeling of safety and security. Those traumatic events can destabilize healthy beliefs and introduce survival behaviors.

Insecure attachment styles are not lifelong sentences. Each person has the ability to make changes that can foster healthy relationships with self and others. Change is more often hard because it forces each person to rewire their thoughts and modify habits.

The challenge to behavior change is it seems easier to continue a cycle because it takes the path of least resistance to the survival mode. While survival was helpful in childhood, it becomes a problematic hurdle in adulthood.

Secure attachment invites healthy relationships with people who share similar beliefs, goals and habits. To maintain those healthy relationships, choices are made each day about who or what is allowed to occupy your precious space.

It may be hard but not impossible. Take one baby step at a time.

Resources

PsychCentral. (2024). The link between your attachment style and relationships. https://psychcentral.com/health/4-attachment-styles-in-relationships

Mcloud, S. (2025). John Bowlby’s attachment theory. https://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html

Mcloud, S. (2025). Attachment theory in psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html

Simpson, J. A. & Rholes, W. S. (2017). Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4845754/

The Attachment Project. (2020). Avoidant Attachment Style: Causes & Symptoms. https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/avoidant-attachment-style/