Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true you’re a pal and a confidant
Golden Girls Theme Song ‘Thank You for Being a Friend’

We could all think of a movie or sitcom where the main character has an airtight relationship with someone. It’s the kind of relationship where they share laughs and sorrows. It’s the kind of relationship where a shoulder is always within reach.

We admire those kinds of relationships because deep down we all want to be connected so securely. This makes it easy to reach out during challenging moments. Unfortunately, there are too many who are missing those vital interpersonal connections.

Social Butterfly

James is the life of any situation. He is the go-to guy who puts a smile on people’s faces, and he is ready to ride at the word ‘go’. He is the outgoing guy at work. When James goes home, no one worries about his mental health because he is always socially engaged with any and everyone.

People like James hide in plain sight. They know that there is a significant difference between being surrounded by people and feeling connected to those people.

Who Do You Call? If your life depended on a phone call, is there anyone you could reach out to without a second thought? The social butterfly may have a contact list full of names and numbers, yet no one they truly feel safe enough with to be vulnerable.

How Much Do They Know? Have you ever heard or told someone, ‘We’ve known each other for so many years, but I don’t know much about you’? It’s normal for certain people to serve different roles in our lives. However, if you never allow yourself to be vulnerable by sharing more than the surface layers of your life, you risk becoming emotionally isolated; therefore, less likely to reach out for help.

Are You Just the Listener? A healthy relationship is about mutual sharing. The only way to connect with others is to be both a listener and a sharer. If someone does not allow or encourage you to share your life, it is unlikely that you will trust this person to make time for you.

Will They Be There? Some people can be good listeners, but they are very unreliable. Their support is as spotty as a phone signal in the wilderness. When they show up, they are great, but you are more likely to experience disappointment because they are undependable.

Isolated

Laura’s coworkers think she is great. She joins them for lunch and easily engages in chitchat. When she goes home, she has limited to no contact with others. Her coworkers do not worry about her because she does not exhibit any behaviors that indicate she feels isolated.

During childrearing years, it can be challenging to make true connections because others are busy with their families. The isolation is reinforced due to a lack of social activities and the awkwardness of venturing out as a single person.

Who Do You Call? The isolated individual may not have anyone in their phone contacts except for coworkers. These relationships that are formed at work typically do not exist beyond the 9-5.

How Much Do They Know? Usually nothing. The isolated person may not feel comfortable sharing significant details particularly in a work or crowded setting.

Are You Just the Listener? Sometimes, it is just easier to be the listener. Sometimes you admire those who can easily share their lives because it is a monumental act to be open.

Will They Be There? The person who feels isolated has the perception that no one is there.

Stepping Out

One of the scariest things is to step outside the comfort zone of emotional isolation. Relationships are not perfect because people are imperfect; however, it is worth the anxious heart palpitations that come from trying to forge connections.

Ways to step outside the physical and emotional protective doors:

• Social butterfly: Invite someone from your contacts to lunch or a low-pressure activity in order to get to know each other more personally.
• Isolator: Get engaged in social activities such attending a class, workshop, or volunteering. Small groups make it easier to interact.
• Choose one moderately personal detail about yourself in which you are comfortable sharing.
• Commit to a follow up event – be specific with date and time.
• Practice being both a listener and engager.

Having a trusted person(s) with whom to share your joys, fears and tears helps to lighten the emotional overload. Vulnerability is terrifying because we are opening ourselves up to someone’s opinions, but we are also opening up to receiving support and building connections.

Stepping out of your comfort zone to find that shoulder is a conscious decision. It takes active baby steps to build trust in order to have someone who will offer a shoulder when you need it.