The news in the last few days is consumed with the devastation in Los Angeles. Towns that were once thriving are reduced to charred rubbish. As the death toll rises, many people can empathize with the families of the decease who are struggling with loss and grief.

On the other hand, there is another larger group of people who are dealing with the aftermath of the fire. Those are the people whose livelihood, neighborhood, hard work, mementos, invaluable items and tangible memories are destroyed and scattered amongst the ashes. They may not have loss someone, but they are still experiencing their own grief.

Just Things

It is easy for others to say, ‘it’s just things.’ ‘You can replace things but not your life.’ For the few people who stayed behind to defend their property to their deaths, it was more than just things. For those who returned during the aftermath to see an empty spot in the place where they used to call home, it was more than just things.

For the person who spent all his/her life in a home that held memories that were impossible to be captured by a photograph, it was more than just things. For those in which photographs documented different stages in their lives, it was more than just things. They are all suffering the loss of a part of their lives that can never be replaced.

Compassion

If you have been in their shoes, then it may be easier to understand their grief. However, compassion does not require past stress experiences. Many people who lose their things may struggle for months and even years to rebuild. The grief is not just about the devastation but also the uncertainty of the future. The destruction of objects that are invaluable is a significant and potentially traumatic experience.

It is okay if you do not quite understand their tears, grief and fear. Compassion for someone who is in distress only requires you to support those who are struggling with their loss and grief.

5 Stages of Grief by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Reminders about grief

• Grieving is not a linear emotional process
• There is no specific timeline for grief
• There is no universal way to grieve
• Unresolved grief can become debilitating
• Asking for help is normal and encouraged