The holidays are all about family, food and fun. It’s the time of year when the family chooses one person’s home to gather and everyone shows up a few days early with gifts and good cheer.

Well…not for everyone

The holidays can signal a very lonely, anxious, depressive or traumatic time for a large number of people. The underlying reasons for these feelings vary; however, we will focus on ways to survive the holidays with toxic families and how to celebrate the holidays as a party of one.

Toxic Families

Each family has it’s own history and that history is passed down to the present. For some, their family relationship brings about anxiety, worry, depression and even adverse physical reactions at the thought of the gathering.

These reactions may be due to a history of abuse, family conflict, feeling pressure about your life, living up to expectations, comparison with others or criticism.

How do you know you are a part of a toxic family? Here are some tell-tale signs:

• You feel dread at the thought of attending a family event
• You find yourself prepping what to say, wear or how to act
• Your heart races, feels sweaty or worried often
• You formulate various excuses to call or to say why you can’t make it
• You find yourself sad or in tears about being around your family

If this resonates, here are ways to deal with this situation

• If gathering with your family will cause significant distress, then it may be time to reconsider attending. Taking time away from your family to heal yourself is very important
• If you are working with a therapist, schedule a few sessions to discuss how to handle being around your family and still maintain your sanity
• You are very well versed in your family’s dynamics, so anticipate the triggers and prep your reactions or responses
• Take time outs – find quiet spaces to escape even it means going to the bathroom to take a few deep breaths and regain your strength
• If possible, engage more with the people you do enjoy or keep busy by offering your help

The Holiday For Singles

Singles you are not forgotten. As the single population increases in the US, the holidays that are marketed for families can create a feeling of exclusion. Everyone around seems to have plans which does not include an extended invitation to you and this can ignite or deepen a feeling of sadness.

It is important to know that being single is not a curse or reason for self-pity during the holidays. There are those who prefer to spend the holidays alone (but does not feel lonely) however, if you feel lonely during the festive season, here are a few tips:

• Volunteer – this time of year provides many volunteer opportunities to work with others who are alone or in need. Volunteering takes your thoughts away from your situation and refocuses them on helping and being with others
• Reach out – If you know of other friends or single coworkers that you like, then reach out and suggest a friends Christmas dinner or gathering
• Celebrate the holidays like everyone else – get yourself a tree, decorate, plan for a meal, choose a few of your favorite movies to watch a marathon and sing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs (try not to disturb your neighbors). Have an exclusive party for one
• Use those days off to get caught up on things that are long over due or just rest

Self-Care

The Christmas holidays can be very hectic for many. There is no specific way to celebrate the holidays. The bottom line is going into the holidays with healthy thoughts and getting through the holidays with healthy thoughts.

Readers Participation

How do you plan to celebrate the holidays which will leave you feeling good about yourself?

Is attending a toxic family gathering worth disturbing your mental health peace?

Singles, if you are feeling lonely, what have you tried to help you connect with others?